freedom for my mouth!

yeah! maybe Dr Y had been right after all!
He said i'l be almost ready by cny. & ta-dah! i took off the splint! :)
But due to lack of jaw motion, my jaws are still quite 'hard'. Dr L said i gotta 'exercise' them.
All wells. Was hoping to go back nj for cny celebration. But it seems like although my jaws got back their freedom, they are still on cruches. Since i cant talk properly yet, my mom doesnt like the idea of me going around. sigh. All wells. There's always still ye chuan. Thou it's postponed to MAY!! argh. nvm. i'l stil b happy if they're gonna use my script ;)

ay. Now that im recovered (more or less physically, except the speech part), im starting to look for jobs! But everyone seems to say it's hard to get a job... Qy also like that say... V demoralising leh...
Dunno when can i work...
Dunno what can i work...
Dunno who can i work...

the unfortunate one

sigh. didnt expect things to turn out this way. All i had hoped for was a peaceful life. Enough about the cleft... But there's so many operations following one another. Not only was this jaw surgery a major one, it had also being an expensive one (having me almost to pay with my life) and also, come free with slow recovery.
Dr Y said my recovery is taking quite long. Usually, by now, the 4th wk post-op, most are on their way with the soft diet. & me? My splint is still on (ie i cant move my jaws), & of course not forgettin the rubber bands tying SHUT my mouth, im on PURE LIQUID diet, which essential means milk, milo.. my mom worries about my nutritional intakes, so she took the efforts to boil porridge with meat & all, and scoop out the water (soup??) for me to drink thru my tiny gaps.

SIGH. sorta regretting all these. Im going thru soO much!?!! isit worth it??

visit. surprise visit.

well. when i said okay to christina, i thought i was giving "consent" for her to come & visit me. Well, she did. Along with hanjie, yuxuan, marco who i didnt give "consent" to. hAhAz.
was really shocked to see them lor! though my mom was much cleverer -- she heard chris saying "us" when she called to ask about the bus to take. so at least that had prepared me to take in one more visitor. okay, i wasnt expecting THREE "uninvited" guests. lol.

Still, appreciated their visit. It's so sweet of them! =)
THANKS LOTS, guys!

《你记得吗？》

《你记得吗》
胡彦斌
文武双全升级版
~你记得吗~
Music／Lyrics :胡彦斌 胡彦斌
HandsomeCK制作

你记得吗我曾试探着对你讲
将来一定会把你娶回家
赚很多钱给你花
你当时红着脸低着头跑回家
很长时间再也没有和我说话
你记得吗我们一起玩攀崖
为了不让你受惊吓
我不小心磕破了下巴
看着你心痛的模样
我觉得自己很伟大
我知道你怕吃辣
喜欢喝珍珠奶茶

我知道你怕别人说闲话
才会故意到离家很远的地方和我玩
我知道你怕惹麻烦
才会违背心愿地跟我装傻
我是一个真正的男子汉
不会让你担惊受怕


编曲：洪敬尧
制作：安栋
和声编写、和音：常石磊
录音：陆晓幸
混音：栗野敬三

nice song! i like the tune lots :)

J Clinic trip

Finally got to see Dr V Yeow today.
After 14 days.
Since my operation.

He went away for holiday straight away after moving my upper jaw.
Yes.
This means i didnt see him throughout my stay in ward 63.
Not the first time i stayed (after the op).
Nor the second time (after the A&E trip).

Apparently, Dr Poh & that indian doc (a slightly nicer doctor) claimed to be there specially for me.
OH HOW SWEET.
But how come i noticed them way before i went in? They had been there to see other patients too what. Not just me.
And when i most needed a doctor (any one will do, actually), they werent there specially for me? Until half my life was gone? Until I had lost so much blood that i got a pint infused into me?

HA.
Thanks, docs! For being there specially for me.
But i didnt need that. Not at that moment.

thank god. i almost died.

okayyy... Just when i thought my worst days were over, they came back.
Or rather, they wanna make themselves the worst days of my life in 2006.
Basically i spent the year in hospital. :/
came back on 2nd Jan.

Choked on my water on wednesday night. And i started bleeding from the nose and coughing out blood from my mouth. Really scared, i thought it safer to return to sgh. Rushed to A&E as instructed. Waited damn long there. In the end, got re-admitted back to the ward where i got out just 3 days before.

Wednesday Midnight
Despite me complaining about thick phlegm stuck in throat, making breathing & swallowing difficult, the doctor refused to come til two hours later. After a quick check, he left. What made it more annoying was when i requested him to speak in mandrain (for my mom's sake), his reply was "your board says 'english'". WHAT??!!??! The nurse put the language preferred as English without approaching us! OF COS it says english. & when we made the request, he still dare to talk back! @^%$# :/

Thursday
Wee hours
Woke up still vomiting lots phlegm. When I claimed to feel bleeding from the inside of the nose down the throat to the nurse, what came back was a glass of cold syrup drink. Order from the doctor. To stop the bleeding. HE DIDNT EVEN COME TO CHECK! So i drank it & went back to sleep (tired mah)

Morning
The MOST ANNOYING event happened. I awake again, STILL feeling the bleeding inside, with the uncomfortable thick phlegm STILL stuck in my throat. When i heard that a group of doctors were making their round, i got sooo excited and wrote down what i was feeling (the bleeding & phlegm), hoping they would do something about my discomforts.
FAT HOPE.
WHAT they did when they were in front of me, was a Q&A session conducted by a doctor (or is he a professor? Since everyone else was soooOOOoo afraid of him) to the other doctors.
The Qns? Well, it's about me. To a certain extent.
Why did the doctor plan for a Bimaxillary Osteonomy but in the end decided to move only one jaw?
What is the maximum distance to move the upper jaw & Why?

It's like WHAT THE HELL MAN!?!?!! [sorry for vulgarity. I hate it too. So you can guess how irritated i am]
There i was, lying already almost half-dead. There you are, discussing about stuff you could jolly-oh-well say over, say, MSN CHAT?!?!!
damn pissed off!
They didnt even bother to look at me, my situation, what's more to say about my clipboard.
So i decided to grab their attention by wiping my bleeding nose, only to stop by a SENIOR staff nurse, saying "tissue isnt clean."
*MAD MAD MAD*

Afternoon
The WORST thing [part one] happened.
I vomitted blood again.
But this time, it was tonnes of blood.
They just keeping coming back even when i was gargling them out.
FINALLY the doctors got worried & came to look at my situation. They seemed stunned too, based on their not-really-knowing-what-to-do reaction.
FINALLY stuck some packs into my nose (damn painful i tell ya) to stop the bleeding instead of some cold syrup drink.
But the bleeding still didnt stop.
They got SO SCARED that they appointed a nurse just by my side to suck up the remaining phlegm & blood clots that i was vomitting out every now & then. I even got transferred to high-depency (hi-d) room.

Evening
Worst thing [part two] happened.
Vomitting tonnes of blood. Again.
Doctors FINALLY came when the nurses saw that the vomitting seemed to be getting worse.
HAIZ. Are doctors just so hard to come?!
Re-stuck the packs into my nose. OUCH! But at least the pain's worth it. The bleeding stopped. Finally. And i got the medicine for the phlegm. Finally.
My mom was so pissed about the phlegm med that she asked if it was too expensive & the hosp was afraid that we couldnt afford it!

This whole incident has made me starting to lose faith in doctors and in fact, begining to hate them.
So what they have tonnes of knowledge in the medical field but fail to react upon stumbling real-life problems?
So what they are receiving high pay & seem upon as the most prestige occupation but lack the know-how of sociology?
Perhaps the doctors should learn to listen to their patients about real-life situations, instead of just their professors about factual medical information.
Perhaps the doctors should learn to prevent an emergency, instead of knowing one when they see one.

Dr Colin Song, Dr Andrew Fong, Dr KC Poh, Dr Tay - I will rmb you guys. About how you ignored me. Til the very last emergency moment.

cloud ask me to thank god for surviving. What she doesnt know was
I've already thanked every god & goddess for answering my prayers.
Im so grateful to be alive. Never so grateful.