attention? or no attention??...

I used to be a piece of glass with a coat of dust. Recently the sea washed off the dust and the sunlight shine on me. I caught people's attention, yet i do so by irritating them with my glaring reflection. Is that good or is that bad? i dunno.. honestly.

// everyone hear me, but no one listen //

every1 tell me i have a loud voice. but wat's e use? whoever listen to me anyway. can u understand how it feels when sumone said right in front of you to others "dun listen to her. it's nonsense"?? PLS!!! i was speaking e truth, giving constructive feedback. wad a b****! it wasnt even e 1st time. i noe u dun reali like me, but i dun tink im e type of pple that pple will actually HATE rite?? y must u treat me like this?? fine, if tt's e way u want, u'l get it back from me. mind u, im from ignis. i BURN

balloon~

have u ever felt like a helium balloon held by a little kid shopping with his parents? one trip, the kid let loose of you & there you go, flying up higher and higher into the sky, or ceiling of the shopping centre (for that matter). you felt a sense of lost suddenly. dunno where you belong. but then you started to get excited. couldn't wait to go out into the world to take a look. just when u wanted to explore more, the tall daddy jumps & reach for you. there you r, back into the tightly closed fist, determined not to lose u again. u missed that kind of excitement. yet, u feel comforted, cos u've found a home. [which is better? it's hard to say...]

the family reached home. u thought u would be enjoying the attention of your owner for e rest of ur life. FAT HOPE. toys in the playroom get his attention like, immediately once they reached home?? u were being tied to a hanger/nail nearby by his mom. floating, just floating there. until u deflated completely.

which was better??
an opportunity to wander around, without a sense of belonging, without a clear target
OR
a home where u exist & somewhat belongs, but no attention given, no chance to glow??
i dunno. im still lost in-between. i tink i'l feel much beta if i noe e ans.
or maybe, there's no ans 2 this qn...

<<破碎的心>>

一点一点 一滴一滴
冷冷泪水 流进我心里
一字一字 一句一句
尖尖的刺 就这样刺进去

你对我的好 到底多少
真实与幻觉 我还不知晓
情来得正好 爱却还没到
两颗真心 破碎成了四个角

那次微笑 那回玩闹
漂泊的心 轻轻被动摇
那份关心 那种依靠
让我以为 会这样一直到老

那天你说的那番话
你不在乎 我却记得牢
感动灭了 心动消了
感觉也消失了

©满满™ one wednesday 2004 when i had fm lecture test

wrote this song when i was vvv tired & sick of studying for fm (integration!) test during my 2hr 40min looong of 'free period'... my 2nd favourite song... got 'inspired' by a few pple to write this. mayb a few of u all will noe after u read this song [if u can tahan throughout, reading my song]. hai... i feel numb actually. i didnt want to write a song to sum1 who dun deserve or not worth it. but too bad. i was bored & felt like vomiting aft too much fm & wanted to write song. so lucky u [or U(s)??] wateva.

<<请公平对待>>

我只想你说个明白
不要让我痴痴等待
要知道从自古以来
世上没有无限忍耐

我只想你对我坦白
落选并不代表失败
若是要选 我宁愿在
落选名单的第一排
至少有人关心疼爱
不会当成垃圾看待

世上当然有好有坏
竞争把优都选出来
说好机会给大家取代
只要拿出真本事来

大家当然拭目以待
我也非常充满期待
然而无人向我表态
好像我是一个障碍

©满满™ 06/02/2004

was v bu shuang with sum audition tt day... super sad, super mad, super disappointed... all i wanted was a chance. but i didnt feel that it was given to me, at least not in e fairer way... but i've brightened up a lot since then & learnt to see things in a lighter tone nowadays. & guess wad? things happened e way i would like them to when i least expect them to turn up the way i would like them to. an eg? council election. tout i was getting out. was even prepared to take my bag & go liao... who noes my name reali appear there. hMm... thank god [no preference, cos im a 'free-thinker']

mistake

离开四* 是个错误
离开**4 是个错误
进入*J 是个错误
进入**2 是个错误

i dunno if i should tink this way. it's so, pessimistic. but i reali feel lost. pple ask me not to be so down. but cant help it wad. but reali, at least now i appreciate my frens who r always there for me soooo much more better. gee, thanx alot. i muz haf brought lots troubles & worries.
guess nxt i muz learn is stop b so sensitive? aft all, time change, people change (my favourite quote from sec3/O!! (: ). i tink my frens would all have started their own new lives le. guess i shldn't keep living in the past. or rather, living in the present but thinking about the past. hAiz.. life's hard. or mayb, then tt's e best way 2 learn? 'learning through e hard way...'

<<令人念的恋>>

那天你离我而远走
我以为我不会难过
可是眼泪自己掉落
突然间觉得好寂寞

我还想一个人生活
却发觉了自己的错
每天也渐渐在等候
你会出现回来陪我

好怀念 我们一起的日子这几年
好想念 你的声音总在我的耳边
好惦念 我们一起浸泡在咖啡店
我喝着我喜欢的 Iced Mocha
你吃着你喜欢的 Strawberry Tart

多希望 有一天
你出现 with Iced Mocha and Strawberry Tart

©满满™ 10/09/2003

<<独来。独往>>

其实已经习惯
一个人独来独往
就算有时真的迷惘
还是会自己解除困扰

蛮喜欢到处流浪
无须交代 无须陪伴
独自四处去张望
学习自己去解放

如果有天真的被遗忘
我知道我不会感叹
因为我的所有愿望
已全都完成 靠我个人力量

如果有天真的被遗忘
我知道我不会感叹
因为我的个人档案
已没有空间容纳遗憾

©满满™ 05/09/2003

<<你的友谊>>

还以为朋友是种帮助
是那张肩膀 当你想哭
是那只耳朵 听你诉苦
是那只眼睛 看你清楚

还以为朋友是种寄付
能与你分担各种辛苦
能与你分享所有幸福
能与你解答难题 无论多高难度

谁知道 这些想法都是错误
真正经历过 才有所领悟
无论生日时送多贵重礼物
也无法取代真心献上祝福

谁知道 这些想法都是错误
真正经历过 才有所领悟
我需要的很简单绝不离谱
真挚的友谊我已非常满足

©满满™ 05/09/2003

<<迷宫>>

虽然手中拿着地图
却不知自己身在何处
执着 迷惘 倔强 糊涂
使我找不到出路

看着手中那张地图
希望找出你在哪条路
殷切期盼能与你走出迷雾
一起走到海边 看看日出

以前常常向你诉苦
你以温柔态度安抚
百般疼爱 百般照顾
你说绝不让爱情落幕

但是渐渐 关怀变成投诉
童话故事不再绚烂夺目
我们被一阵旋风卷入
一个迷宫 慢慢领悟
©满满™ 2003??

<<如果。当时>>

寂寞的夜里 只有我 没有你
外面下着倾盆大雨 冷冷的
眼泪却留进心里 热热的

翻开那日记 回想起那些日子
脑海才浮出我们快乐在一起
却突然看见你远离的影子

如果当时伸手留注你
现在生活会是什么样子
如果当时好好珍惜你
现在不会如此恨自己

如果当时伸手留住你
现在应该还会在一起
如果当时好好珍惜你
现在日子应该很甜蜜

©满满™ 2003 ??

<<摆脱>>

不再跟着谁的脚步
不再受到任何束缚
我想要大声地宣布
现在我过得很舒服

对生活持有的麻木
如今也已消失迅速
没有在我心里呆住
希望取代了嫉妒

我不会再为谁而哭
坚决要走自己的路
要自己去创造幸福
生活肯定不会孤独

我不会再为谁发怒
心只允许宽容进入
减轻压力 减轻包袱
生活肯定不会辛苦

只要会对困难说不

©满满™ 13/07/2003

my 1st attempt at a faster tempo song... not v successful i tink... still tink write sad, slow song is easier... haha...

<< 孤独的伤悲>>

也许世界不能总是完美
有些事不能在掌握之内
有些事做起来显得狼狈
结果被人嘲笑 感到自卑

想要的事你不能总是给
其实也只是想找人来陪
偶尔心灰意冷 没人体会
感觉实在真的好累 好累

得不到需要的安慰
一个人走着 当天色已黑
脸颊滑下几滴眼泪
尝到又咸又酸 孤独的滋味

得不到需要的安慰
独自托着累积的疲惫
忍了许久许久的眼泪
终于不再藏在体内
安抚我的伤悲

©满满™ 13/6/2003

the song i loved the most. up til today. guess im reali touched by it cos my feelings came from a true experience. i even cried when i finished the song, lyrics & tune.

<< 领悟>>

总是以为付出等于回报
希望幸福从你那儿得到
但是成熟后 才发觉到
幸福要靠自己制造

其实我原本只是需要
一份深情或是拥抱
可是后来 我才知道
就连这点 你办不到

渐渐地 我习惯独立
不容易 我不会轻易放弃

这段日子 我一个人熬
不再让自己戴上手铐
勉强不会幸福 不必警告
所以我不哭泣吵闹
而是默默走掉

虽然我当你是宝
而你却当我是草

©满满™ 13/5/2003

i submitted this for a song-writing competition in 2003. it was tough man! cos it was during MYE period & i had not have any experience in recording demo... nonetheless, i put in lots efforts... & i muz thank my chinese tcher -ms han- for encouraging me & giving me suggestions & help along the way.

the reply i got back? "thank you, please try again next year" (: well, at least i tried. no regrets. (:

trying out for fun

i dun haf the habit of writing diary lah... juz trying out for fun since many ppl around me do haf a blog sumhow... and oh, another motive is to publish the songs i've created. they r not v good lah, but im still proud of them [hey! they R my babies wad] so i feel like posting them. even if no1 read them, so wad?! i do. (: