ps curse

grr... i wasnt supposed to have the time to blog.. but the ps curse that was stuck with me gave me some more "me time" today..
was supposed to go yanyi's house to bake.. yay! love to try baking... but always no chance to try it out.. knowing yanyi & yiying love this kind of thing, so we finally settled on this unique gathering during this hols!

but wenqi had to help her mommy pack stuff for her house-moving. well, she doesnt have to move house until she comes back from her grad trip to taiwan. & well, we arranged this meet-up long ago, didnt we?? of all days, she had to pick this day to pack. "cos i have been going out this week" oh wells. so our meet-up is dispensable?? you cannot postpone,reject outings on the other days huh?? haiz...
so my time is worthless. what's the point of keeping to your promise, clearing your day for your friends, when all they have to do is tell you at the last minute, "sorry, i cant meet up"....

欲疯不疯 不疯则疯

我希望他快点发疯。
也许我是个坏妹妹。但是他这样的行为，我真的会惧畏。
这个学期，无形的压力压得我透不过气。朋友越来越自私也就算了，他偏偏选择回家苦读。我不喜欢给自己压力。但，他在房里踢来撞去，拍东打西，我能不被影响吗？
现在都没什么事，他也是喜欢发飙就发飙。同在一个屋檐下，我做事却得小心翼翼，以免他有任何不爽，又在一次摔物砸门。
自由，你在哪里？
劝说爸妈送神经质的他去看病，他们却拖拖拉拉。由他们去吧。
只是到时候，看是他终于无法控制自己了，还是我这个被压抑的高压机先被引爆。

to go or not to go??

if it (happening in 2 yrs' time) includes her, should i still go??
or rather, will i still be as happy as i would?

those 2 outings with the group, i truly enjoyed myself!
i think im like them too, making friends, well, just because we want to be friends. Even until now, yes, i do know the existence of "fake" people, but no, im choosing not to be like them. she's not bad a person really. But then again, how do you know it's that her true self and not acting? After all, i've experienced enough of her superficial behaviours. The more i get into contact with her nowadays, the more i feel that she's making a political relationship with us (or maybe just me?).
I dislike it.

"You dont feel embarrassed meh? When she asked why we nv jio her..."
"Actually.... no"
haha. well, i cant help it. im a straightforward person.
Friends will say, "NO, I CANNOT!" even, "CHANGE IT!!!"
Political friends will say, "I'd love to... but...."
True friends stick enough to be involved all the time.
Political friends need to be invited.

suayy week for petty me

just in 4 days, i kena pangseh-ed by 13 people!!!! grrr... angry sia! waste my effort to arrange, waste my time to travel...

tue (B&J day) - by various:
Jiejie & gang (ard 3 ppl) ps-ed me when jiejie smsed on mon morn saying she gonna meet ppl at bukit gombak @ 12... huh? reali meh?? so last min =(
uncle ps-ed me on mon nite in mse lab. but he's forgiven. cos it slipped his mind that dere's still hrm paper on wed! :D haha.. tt's y many grp B-ers gotta missed e outing =(
Siqi & gang (ard 4 ppl) ps-ed me on mon nite, saying they won't be there... even thou just 6 hrs b4 tt, they said they will be there.
shien sorta ps-ed me when he confirmed ard midnight tt he wont b gg for e event.

wed (Kallang Leisure Park outing) - by mommy
Well, yao-gui me wanted to utilise the promo coupons i printed from SBStransit. Cos the deadline is this day & cos i dun wanna waste them, booked mommy to go "shopping" a long time ago. But just the morn, she realised that e place we are gg to, is a place where we need to change bus to reach from home. After calculating, she realised it was bo-hua to go there. After all, the coupons are all "buy-one-get-one-free" & stuff like bubble milk tea, breakfast sets, desserts... okkaayy lor... tot i wanna spend some mommy-girl time also mah... =(

thur (Kbox) - by Dongyu (organiser) & weibin
wah liaoz. alr said i will make it since there are at least 3 of us gg. Had managed to keep my labour day holiday free for u guys ever since tt time u asked me to. cos i know u gotta leave for england soon... A*star scholarship or is it DSTA?? *&^$# wth. *&^$#% wasnt it already settled that at least got 3 of us confirmed?? now, just cos e chiobu didnt want to go, u cancelled it?!!? U wait long long for her to go out bah... She'll either drag replying or come up with a reason on the actual day of event de. tt's her, if u still dunno. so used to it le that nowadays, i've become the sort of person who will go for event im reali reali interested in, regardless got company anot. so perhaps i should thank her for training me to b such a strong person eh?? 2 yrs' of being taken advantage of in exchange for this training is not cheap at all....

fri (chinese song composition @ NJC) - by Mdm Woon
haiz. wanted to save 5c by not replyin to my ex-teacher i/c of CLDDS, partly also wanna avoid her cos she was pestering me to perform, when i have absolutely nothing to present! end up, wasted sooo much of my time (travelling & changing tuition timing) & travelling fare, to reach NJ & found out that e event was cancelled. HAIZ. 因小失大 big time.

wah.. posting these like i v petty hor.. hmm, but i admit i am! haha... really angry at some, cos yue-ed them alr den ps me... damn saddening de lor.. AND ESPECIALLY FOR THE ACTIVITY THAT I LIKE (K), specially take note of their outing le, still cancel it last minute. so bo xim to meet me, mite as well not ask me rite in e 1st place. just try bookin her can le lor. see when will u succeed.. wth. HUH. dun expect me to take special note of ur outing next time.
& not so angry at others lahh.. just some ramblings off my chest =p

"K-ge-ing"

was supposed to go K-ing today... but last minute got cancelled. his reason? cant find enough subs... but wad's "subs"?? i dunno.
kns.
so cheated again.
& if i didnt initiate to ask him e day before, is it that he is not going to tell me? maybe until the actual labour day itself?
wth lah. i have my own life, my own plans de okay! lucky i had asked earlier, before my wed's tuition. else arrangement for today's timing would be difficult.

oh well. the best thing that came out of this cancellation? i got to rest on this labour day holiday. Dun feel like going out anyway... so tired. had been travelling these days le (mon: exam then sakae, tue: b&J, ps, raffles city, wed: orchard, tuition).. time for me to rest & have some me-time :)

B&J Free Cone Day 2008 - 29/04/08! =D

woohoo! managed to go for B&J FCD this year! =) last yr had lesson&tuition i rmb.. so couldnt make it.. wanted to make it an MSE event, but nonetheless, kena pangseh-ed by many. oh wells. glad that only 5 of us turned up anyway. it was a nice group! me, vanessa, linda, meiju & yew meng! =) all the nice people.. haha.. too bad my good group b friends still having exams. else i tink they will 赏脸 also de... :)

Initially i planned for 1030am. After complains by many (& they are all ppl who didnt turn up eventually -_- ), we decided to meet 11am instead. BUT vanessa woke up only at 1030am. oh my tian. & i thought i gonna b 10 min late. so end up linda only came out of her house at 11am (well. NEL boon keng -> douby ghaut only takes SIX min.... grr...) while ym decided to go shopping 1st. end up i wasnt late! haha.. & me & mj had to wait for the rest... :S lucky im in not bad a mood, didnt flare up like the previous time i waited for the same bunch of people. alone.

SO we went to take our free ice cream! there are ppl loitering ard alr.. but no1 seem to be Q-ing.. den we juz take initiative to stand in front of the shop lor! haha.. end up being the 1sts!!!! =) with meiju, me, linda, yew meng, vanessa in order of appearance at the mrt station :D so ym tot of Q-ing & re-Q-ing & re-re-Q-ing alr.. haha.. i tot we will only be taking one lor.. =pPp but yao-gui us [the mse lunch gang - me, ym, van] went for 3 rounds straight! (linda&meiju only took 2. & tt's it for them for e whole B&J FCD 2008!) after that we went for lunch at yoshinoya (ps) & back to cathay, cos linda&meiju catching the "feet unbound" (some movie abt e chinese history de.. haha). & yao-gui us [e 3 of us!] went for our 4th round!!!!! heee....

then we split our ways after shopping in e bookstore at the basement. linda&meiju went for their movie, while me&van went for job interview! saw my jiejie also~ haha.. they studyin hrm there.. condusive meh?!?? :S

anw after me&baa baa's job interview, i was wondering why i saw so many ppl with B&J cones at raffles shopping centre. i suspected an outlet at the basement, so we went to check it out. AND.. if u r smart enough, yeah! we went to Q A.G.A.I.N. hahaz.
(we got the job!! the person got back to us. called vanessa to inform us tt we got the vacancies! yeah! well, 3 wks of hols gone. but i hear kachings kachings!! *_* even thou it's pretty low pay... well, it's robinsons warehouse sale associates. wad u expect??.... better than nothing le lah.. & i still have 2 wks of freedom =) muz b optimistic!)

so in summary, i had 5 cones today! woohoo! which is like all i ate today, other than the yoshinoya student meal =/ cos mommy din cook my dinner =( haha.. nvm. im full enough.
had new york choc fudge -> cookie dough -> strawberry cheesecake -> cookie dough -> chunky monkey.
favourite: cookie dough.
loved the cookie dough too much that i skipped the last flavour (choc therapy)! yupz! COOKIE DOUGH IS SOOOOOO NICE!!!!!! =)

really enjoyed the outing today!! there are still many nice ppl in mse :)
and yah, ben&jerry only hires chio-bus... all the hot babes scooping ice cream de lor.. hmm.. den i will never have a chance to work dere le. haha... not as if i want to. =p

wad a way to "celebrate"

i tot it was a buffet. end up the organiser was "too full" for a buffet.
i tot it was a mse dinner. end up only "selected" ppl were notified/invited.

kns. feel so cheated.
tot it was meant for a big gang. apparently alot of ppl werent "invited". there were ppl whom we were all shou with (i tink ym will join us de lor) & there were ppl whom we agreed upon to meet up after exams (she claimed they had smth on alr...). i believed her initially. after tinking, it felt strange. she didnt reply me directly rgding me asking "eh ym nv reply u ah?" & we alr had a date with the gals... then it drawn upon me. it was pretty obvious the other table (of which everyone had buffet. 好赏脸哦~) were ppl who had helped her. & she also wasnt paying much attention to us throughout the whole dinner despite sitting with us... [she should just moved over la... actually she did suggest. but who on tt table will move over to join us, when their intention of coming was so that can mingle with her???] maybe i think too much. but it's this thinking that made me see alot of things clearer...
but i alr learnt how to overcome things about her le. so i ignored the stuff i wanna ignore (ie things tt upset me) & focus tt im enjoying my meal with
vanessa - yeah! my buffet buddy. yah. only 2 of us at our table ate buffet.
linda - even thou cant eat seafood (so bo hua to eat buffet) but still join us
meiju - impromptu invitation & she accepted!
=)

tot it was supposed to mean an interactive session also. but apparently the only person who knows everyone on the 2 different tables didnt know enough to take initiative to introduce each of us to all of us. so ended up "我认识的我就认识，我不认识的我还是不认识"

真后悔！早知道我自己联络。我真笨！还相信她！以后不会了！
made up my mind over something.
things will change from next sem on.
im so sick of being taken advantage of. 2 yrs of that last time was enough. another 2 yrs now has reached over my limits.

yippie yah yah

yippie yah yah yippie yippie yah
yippie yah yah yippie yippie yah
yippie yah yah yippie yippie yah yah
yippie yah yah yippie yippie yah!

so long nv sing this song le!!!! :D
it's my "job completion song"~ haha.. everytime finish doing some task, will sing de!
so now it's e end of exams, MUST sing this song!! hahaz...

but actually dun tink will do well for this exam =( serious. during the sem, nv study. during the exam break, nv study. days between the papers, nv study... haiz... so only 1-2 days before paper then started really studying while others are revising. =(

EM105 - didnt memorise enough facts. but grateful for the last-minute revision with van & ym
MS2008 - didnt spot the correct topics to mug. crap through all explanations.
MS2010 - didnt memorise the correct explanations.
MS2002 - didnt pick the right question to do!!! argh!! i knew how to do Q3!! all! not tricky at all!! but i just didnt wanna sketch, so went for the tricky Q4 instead. SIGH. & chose extrusion while everyone else selected injection molding =(
MS2005 - stuck at the 1st question already. question 2 also not confident. & that's like half the paper gone.

wanna give myself an excuse. cos i seriously haven had a break for super long... after A levels, it was ops, rest & work.. then when school started.
mid of year 1 i spent my hols with HI for our annual performances. end of year 1 i spent my hols studying for special sem1 & working the rest of the vacation.
mid of year 2 i went back to work (cos they lacked of people) & went back to help (abit only) with my cca for the juniors' performance.

hmm.. like reali abit sick & tired le. no looong break for v long.. no time to recover, not able to sprint as fast as i could last time =/ haiz.... budden again, maybe it's juz an excuse. im plain lazy. yes, i admit i am. i used to survive on my 小聪明 but i tink now cannot le leh.. everything getting so tough. not e simple 1+1 anymore... takes time to learn & absorb, takes time to revise & 反刍 (is it the correct word? e process where cow "re-digest" e food with its 4 gastrics or smth de.... :S im so un-knowledgeable!)

Now end of year 2, i gonna take special sem 2... & i juz secured a job! 3wks only la.. cant resist e $$ temptation in e end.. still, im going to let myself enjoy... relax.. rest...

after this hols, i promise i will start turning into a mugger! hope i will have friends to help me =)

没有机会说出口

五月天是这么样唱着
我練習過　彩排過　這個時候　卻又說不出口

而我却想这么样演绎着
我练习过 彩排过 这个时候 没机会说出口

我当作你是没有诚意。因为我在每一个约会的前一天，都会send confirmation sms来提醒隔天要见面的朋友。我没有这么做，也许我以为你会比我还在乎。可是，一个午后的相谈，却因前一晚的hangover，得无限期地搁置了。

准备了很久的话，没能说出口，闷在心里头是在真的很难受。也许你已经放下了(i saw the jacket, made an assumption)，可我预习的这番话，不吐不快。
斟酌了一番，还是决定post出来：

我从来没交往过，所以还处在idealised world。对于我的第一个，一定会有自己拟定的模样。他不须要是个白马王子或潇洒威猛的壮男。说实在的，我常坦言，我喜欢“聪明，高的，胖的，丑的”。哈哈。（有朋友说，“那个被我看上的人应该很可悲”） 外貌也许不重要，所以之前说的不重要。我最希望的事，他是一个我懂他，他懂我的人。
我认识你多久？你让我了解你多少？同样的，你认识我多深？你看透我多彻底？

To put it simply，你认识真正的我吗？我觉得这些日子，你跟她聊得更多。我的消息似乎都是从她那儿得来的。所以我觉得，你认为你懂我，但是你懂的那个“我”， 只是她眼里的“我”。
I don't like that.

第一，在我的原则里(im a stubborn person with stubborn principles to stick to)，要认识一个人，应该是direct contact。没有可能通过另一个人而了解的。这样不直接的接触是不真诚的了解方式。我曾经说过，relationship (no matter what kind) is solely between the 2 people involved, just like a covalent bond between 2 electrons.
第二，what makes you think she is the best option? 说真的，我对她已经失去了信心，我不再信任她。即使我跟她性格上颇有相似，我非常不赞同她对朋友的处置。She categorised her friends into too many different classes, with too many different attitudes & diffrerent degrees of willingness/readiness to help. 而且很多时候，她有了想法的东西，她会一意孤行地照着她的主意做。In short, 我觉得你找错人来试着了解我。我已经不喜欢indirect contact，你还找一个我不认为完完全全，实实在在懂我的人，又是大错特错。

我喜欢pleasant surprises。你却有她而去，来转告我准备接受那份礼物。 Her stand being "I feel that you should be prepared, in case you'll be shocked that day." Yes, I know that you are being kind. BUT 我是个喜欢刺激，惊喜的人。Leo's characteristic? 这就是我和她持不同想法的一点。既然那是我肯定会喜欢的东西，我不介意是意外的惊喜。So she kinda spoil it all for me, and for you.

我喜欢直接的人。direct contact。 你是要我收下礼物还是你那番心意？Don't use "shy" as an excuse. What's so difficult with sending an sms to meet somewhere else privately? Outside LT after class, maybe? (Even he had the brain to think of that, & the courage to act it out. But too bad [or rather, "luckily"... haha.. since he kinda creep me out =X] his target is her. yup. of all people, the her. ) No. 你又在一次委托她帮忙，负责送来礼物。连亲手送礼的勇气都没有。In my opinion, lack of sincerity.

我想我是麻烦的。If you don't adhere to my "invisible" rules, you annoy me. 使我事先没有跟你讲清楚？Well, you really weren't obvious. Haha. Compare yourself with him to see what i mean.

黄妹说：“You can't expect to know a person really well to start a relationship. You should give chance. Going out is a way to get to know each other better.” 而我坚信，应该先做很好的朋友。加上，我不和不熟的朋友单独出门。
她也说：“Maybe you just don't like the fact that he got her help.” 对。黄妹了解我，知道我跟她实在的关系，友谊的深浅。你知道吗？

叔叔说：“Actually now, some guys are getting desperate.” & “he talk c*** lah, he.. He's interested in you or her? Standing up for her??”
叔叔也了解我，知道我跟她实在的关系，友谊的深浅。你知道吗？

Maybe I was classified as an "easy target". But when the target doesnt seem "easy" anymore, you've decided to move on.
Maybe I was a bet. When the bet seem to be losing, you'd rather give up and treat your friends the bet.
I should move on too.
Actually, i think i had. :)

In a way, I admire her. I admire how she managed to still maintain "good" relations with the 2 guys after rejecting them both. Maybe that's her way. Because she categorised too much, some people are worth keeping in contact, lest you need their help (herbal tea... 2008....)
也许这点我永远做不到。我只有两种对朋友的方式。
一，会谈心事的close friends, 二，ever-so-friendly的朋友。
我把你当朋友时，你都觉得太过亲切，我觉得我不敢把你当朋友了。
我连拒绝都没做到，就失去了一个朋友。。。
I really need special semester - ZG38 表面功夫... with her being the lecturer??