.brought back.

Has been visiting few of my juniors' blogs. Find that they have been upset about their jc lives. I understand exactly how they feel because this was how i felt last year (and i still do feel this way). I missed (and still miss) my cedar gangs (both e Sec2 and Sec4 ones), missed my carefree lifestyle, and even the 1st 3months class. On this additional point, my juniors are already much fortunate than me. Smarter than me, they chose to remain in the same combi (and hence, luckily same class) and still have the majority 1st 3months classmates in class. Maybe they didnt bond as well as 04s14 (pae) did? Do the OGLs have a fault in it??

I even cired a few times cos of my mistake.
Mistake in leaving cedar, joining nj -- falling from top to bottom
Mistake in leaving S5 combi, joining S3 combi -- breaking from a big family to individual life
Life became more stessful not only due to increasing workload, but also having no one around to help you carry them.

Seeing my friends leading their current lives so happy made me even more envious, jealous.
Why cant i be like them? Adaptive to different surrounding, acceptable by the society?

I still do feel sad. But getting used to it made me indifferent to them. Or rather, numb.
I just want to do well, not to be at the bottom;
I just want to be on a balance beam where i can share the forceful life;
if i cant have the above, then
I just want to prove to myself that i can be totally proud of myself to be able to go through hardship all on my own;

I just want to be happy.
But can i?