times when i feel... ...

Back in cedar... ...
the only time i feel reali stoopid was when i was joking.
the only time i feel reali obese was when i was comparing with me n myself.
the only time i feel reali lonely was when i was going home alone.
the only time i feel reali outcast was when i was hallucinating.
the only time i feel reali helpless was when i was doing the literature question in an exam.

Now... ...
the only times i feel like crying is when i look back in the past or think upon the present.
the only time i feel like the above is all the time.

Maybe im clinging on too hard.
Maybe im expecting too much.
Maybe the rest are just too smart.
Maybe the rest are just too tough.
Or maybe, i was meant to learn about life through the harsh way.