some thoughts...

was reading my friend's blog... smth he wrote left me thinkin abt alot of things... he wrote smth like there are things u cant do with jc friends cos they are more 'high-class'... smth lydat. this brought me to juz wanna say a few things. two only, actually.

i had this friend. i thought we are similar, too similar in fact. she thinks so too, i guess. it is true. except for one, financial status. think she's those kind of "rich kids" (note: she's just rich, not a spoilt brat) i mean, she's quite nice & all, but some things are just different when viewed from mindsets of different people, especially people with too much difference in their character/status. that's why she rather not stick with me?? we "behave" differently bah... moreover language's a big issue too... im more comfy with conversing in mandrain. but most "well-to-do" (really???) families use english at home. sigh, maybe that explains my deficiency in english? but im not blaming anyone. i like chinese!! (:

boy, i don't wanna sound like im some people in financial-assistance kinda thing. not that i find it insulting. in fact, i actually find it UNFAIR that the rich just gets richer, while the poorer, if they do not get poorer, they just remain still, feeding from hand to mouth. money. this brings me to my 2nd point. i find it more true leh... that since young (i go to a neighbourhood kindergarten & pri sch) i mix with people i seem to more 'connect' with... now, i still make friends. but i just feel the difference, the gap. it's like, i have so much more friends who spend money like water now... they can afford it, i guess... not that i cant afford it, but i just can only spend a little, not like them. so sometimes when we go out (official / informal gatherings), sigh, i just have to fork out money...

Money, maybe i shall talk about just one more point. i was just thinking, my family would have been much richer if not for me. sigh. my cleft lip problem has brought not only mental traumas & worries, but also lots & lots of spendings. just imagine, i have been going to see doctor since BIRTH. with each visit costing around $30-$40++ & at least min 4 visits each year, just how much money i had spent?! sigh. it's not even my choice. sometimes i reali feel like quitting this whole thing. just dun wanna care about my looks anymore. but sometimes i do feel inferior. just like a recent news report on this baby gal who has 40% less facial bone structure than normal people, she doesnt really have a face. her mom said there was this gal who said right in front of her & her baby, "That's so disgusting!" (meaning the poor baby gal) PLEASE, it's like we've got a choice?? i had experienced it too... when i was in pri 2 (i even rmb who's tt gal. cos she became my classmate since p3 all the way til p6). our class split up to other classes cos our chinese teacher wasnt present. so i got sent to this class. the gal i sat beside exclaimed, "she's [meaning me] so disgusting! i dun want to sit beside her!" wtf. *[sorry i dun mean to have vulgarities here]* hai...

people with anomalies [i dunno how to describe my case. cleft lip isn't a disability, is it? so anomalies sounds nice] have to struggle to live a normal life [like any other nOrm] IN ADDITION, occasionally facing extra digusted faces, looks-down, despises, yadda yadda... not only that, there's also the 'life-long' {or at least a vvvvery long} treatment required. at least if you are rich, you can afford it. & at least if you are poor, you can get financial assistance. me? coming from a middle-class family, not only dont qualify for financial assistance (i think so. i've nv tried b4 anw), & also have to spend money when i go out, sometimes jts, gathering, blahblahblah, cant be avoided & saying that you cant pay for it is quite embarassing too...

sigh. money cant makes the world go round. but it definately would make my world sings 'mary-go-round'. ok, not funny.