capability

almost all the personality tests that i have done, they always say i am going to be a successful leader & lots craps along that line... i used to naïvely believe all these... until just.

a thought suddenly struck my mind. do they come to conclude the "success", the "leadership" in all the results? after all, i've only seen my own results...

im losing confidence.
i used to thought i CAN lead, i CAN be successful.
but look at me now??
i have had friends achieving huge accomplishments, but where's mine? maybe all these times i have been lying to myself.

back in cedar times, just before we graduated, one of my classmates wrote on the class photo, "wah! you are so smart! will sure see your name on the newspaper!"
sadly, her prediction has not been achieved.
or rather, I have not achieve much to make her prediction true.
am i smart? like reali smart? haha, nah... even back then, i wasnt reali smart wad... only 11th in level whilst being 1st in class?? tt's a disgrace, if u asked me. i mean, given the fact that there were 10 classes, should all the 1sts-in-class being among the top (ie top 10)?

i dunno if i should be satisfied with myself now (im not doing too bad) or i should really try to step out of my timid world & really try something bold.
i thought i made the big step by joining council.
but i ended up being just a member with no major responsibility throughout the whole term.
i thought i made the big step by deciding to join YES933 DJ Search & "Let's Shoot" audtitioning for new speakers
but i ended up not submitting the form for DJ Search & not even going for the audition for "Let's Shoot" (有话就说)
i thought i would be taking big steps
but right now, i could only see my small footprints.