to count down or not to count down??

HAPPY BDAY to Hasan, Yuka and Mr Tan!
hAhAz... nv had met three friends having bday on the same day. i had only known zixin cos ours are on the same day. heh. anw, think it's quite cool to know people with the same bday. Too bad they dunno each other. But wait, they are all NJCians (or "ex-", "current-" and "ex-ex-" respectively) leh... lolx

hmm, it seems so cool/sweet for people to remember your bday, even posted their wishes on their own blogs. haha.

I used to love bday. Until last year that is. My friends would have known me as the "counting-down Queen". But im not one this year. I wonder how many have noticed. Ever since wad happened last yr, i no longer could bring myself to look forward to birthday, at least not my own one.
the higher the anticipation, the higher the disappointment
Taking up the responsibility was a mistake.
Maybe i shouldnt haven taken up the duty sub-consciously. Being the organiser for every other members' bday somehow make the rest incapable of organising one outing for me. And i thought having bday on a sunday (last year) is good. No it wasnt. At least not for me.
Letting myself sink into fantasy was a mistake.
Maybe i should have known better than to gloat over fictitious stuff. Rubbing the numb foot in front of you is just a pretence. The true self is only shown when the other party doesnt know your existance. I was hurt too deeply. One hour before i turn seventeen. wow. thank you so very much. for making me lost faith in birthday.

Three more days but i dun wanna look forward to it. How?